Bow-wow baby!
by The one and only Kanra-chan
Summary: Izaya just wants to go home in peace, so why is this damn dog following him!


"Ugh, too sweet," Izaya sighs, examining the treat in his hand with disappointment. It was a deep fried, sugar coated soft pretzel, currently all the rage in Ikebukuro. Why this sudden, new craze took so fast and so hard to something so mediocre, Izaya would never understand. Ahh, weren't humans fascinating with their strange obsessions?

While, admittedly, Izaya found it _cute,_ he would have never touched one if it weren't for his sisters, attacking him on the street and demanding he treat them. What little pests they were! Kururi didn't even finish hers, shoving it in his hands and taking off with Mairu when they thought they spotted the great Hanejima Yuuhei in the crowd, leaving him to walk home alone. Brats.

And though he'd never admit it, he found himself curious about the sweet. If it was so popular, surely it had to be good? Curiosity killed the cat...but satisfaction brought it back, so he'd decided to try it, stepping into an empty alley, hidden from the rest of the city. Shizu-chan would hold it over him for years, if he ever saw Izaya giving into the temptation of trying something so unhealthy.

"Really, I should've known…" He mutters, tossing it over his shoulder carelessly, rather than bothering to find a trash can. "Disgusting." Of course anything deep fried and coated in sugar was sure to be disgusting. Ugh, just the one bite he had, so soaked in oil, was making him feel sick.

"Woof woof!" Izaya startled, whipping around to the sight of a dog. A big dog, actually, with sharp teeth and a hungry gaze. And oh, dear God, it found the pretzel. The pretzel he had touched, had held. Oh _God,_ It had his _scent!_

"A-aha! I see you've found my food," he laughs nervously. The dog takes a few steps forward, closer to the treat and, more importantly, towards Izaya himself.

"Woof!" Izaya jumps, hating himself for it, and fights not to backup any further. The dog is blocking his exit. Dogs are fast, and dogs like to chase. With the beast in front of him, even if Izaya was fast, he most likely wouldn't make it out of the alley alive.

Okay, that's an exaggeration. The dog isn't that big,really, somewhere between a Greyhound and an Australian Shepherd. But he would certainly wind up with teeth deep in some part of his body. Multiple times, even. Probably in his th _roat, oh God, oh himself, stay calm, oh God-_

He was again startled when the dog starts to whine, nosing at the pretzel and licking off only the sugar that gets on its nose. What's wrong with the beast, holding back like that? Just take the food already! It would become distracted, and Izaya could escape already.

"...go on." he nods hesitantly, gesturing at the pretzel with a shaky hand. "You can eat it, boy."

"..." Nothing? Really?

"Go ahead, you can eat it... girl?" he tries. Right away the dog perks up, wasting no time in scarfing down the pretzel with enthusiasm rivaled only by his little sisters. As children, they were monsters when given candy- or, alternatively, after getting candy. Tch, his parents spoiled those girls.

...so has he, apparently. He _did_ buy them expensive pretzels, after all, waiting in line while they sat on a nearby bench, comfortably in the shade. He had to stand in that huge line for 20 minutes, dressed in his thick fur jacket, while they laughed and called for him to hurry while dressed in shorts and carrying iced tea.

 ** _Brats._**

The dog is finished with her snack by the time he snaps out of it, padding right over to him with her tail wagging and tongue out. She's looking at her earnestly, prancing around him and tail going so hard he's sure she's trying to take flight. She's panting, from the heat or enthusiasm, he isn't sure, maybe both. She tilts her head curiously, one ear flopping over and the other perked up.

It's a terrifying sight.

"You're not still hungry, are you...?" He backs away further, flinching when she continues to follow, cornering him deeper in the dead end of an alleyway. His back hits the wall, and he's so- not _afraid_ , just incredibly, mind numbingly _wary_ \- that he starts to sweat.

 _"_ _Woof!"_

"Oh, dear me, you are aren't you? I bet I smell like sugary pretzels to you, huh? Of course, of course! Shizu-chan always says I'm a flea, so of course I'd be killed by a mutt," He says to her, shrinking further back against the wall. "Granted, I always though he'd be the mutt to kill me. Oh he's such a beast, you two would get along well splendidly. You both like to yap, you both want to kill me..."

"..." The dog tilts her head further, like she knows he's speaking to her but can't for the life of her figure out what the message is. Jokes on her, there is no message. He just likes to talk when he's in danger, really finds it calming and often very helpful for making the situation worse.

"Although I feel more like you want to eat me. Shizu-chan doesn't want to do that. ...well, not in the same sense. Shizu-chan does like to eat me, rather, he wants my meat while you want my flesh. That was an innuendo, by he way," he informs her, taking a second to realize how stupid he sounds. He shakes his head furiously, unable to think properly with such immense danger nearby, slapping his cheeks with his still sugar coated fingers. Whoops...

"Ugh, see this?" He asks, refraining from glaring at her. Dogs saw that as a challenge. "You made me do this. Brat," He scolds, pointing at his cheeks to emphasise his point.

e

The dog jumps on him right away, taking advantage of his slouched form to brace her big paws on his shoulders so she can hold him down properly. Izaya sees the flash of white teeth, the hungry burn in those beastly eyes, coming closer and closer to his face, and is struck with alarm and dread.

He promptly loses consciousness… for about five seconds.

When he comes to, blinking hard and expecting to find that his poor, beautiful face has become a chew toy, he instead finds himself being licked. Not aggressively, either. Just gentle, swipes over both his cheeks, though the sugar is sure to be gone by now. _Heh, just like Shizu-chan, eager to lick my "cheeks"..._

Weakly he pushes her off, noting how hard his hands are shaking. Still, it's a surprisingly easy task when she isn't nearly as heavy as he expects. Not as heavy as she should be, actually...

"Knock it off," he grumbles, holding out his hands to ward her off. She merely switches from his face to his hands, licking off the sugar there eagerly. Izaya has a feeling he'll never feel clean again, no matter how many showers he takes.

Once he finds the strength to stand (this takes awhile) he flinches away from her and ambles out of the alley as quick as he can, without running. He knows without looking that she follows him, can hear her panting and happy behind him, apparently assuming that they're bffs now that she's slobbered all over him.

Fat chance!

"Go away," he hisses, halfway considering escaping by rooftop. Hell, it wouldn't be that hard to ditch the mutt. But he'd have to run at least a few feet to get the momentum needed to pull himself up a building and, honestly, what if she sinks her teeth in one of his legs?

Worth it? Probably not.

He'd take a taxi, but he's slightly afraid she would follow. Not that he cares if she gets run over or anything...

"Woof!" She barks again, and he barely flinches at all this time. How quickly you get used to annoyances, right? No wonder Shizuo is so comfortable with him already.

Still, he doesn't need a dirty stray following him home just because she found some food he'd thrown away...

...and waited for his permission to eat it, strangely enough.

He glances back at her, noticing the collar he'd somehow missed before. Not a stray after all, huh? Yet her fur is dirty and dull, and he can see the dog is pathetically thin even past her fur. Perhaps she'd gotten lost…

"Tch…" He half bends down, holding out his hand. "C'mere." He blames Shizuo for his newfound kindness. Really, did the blond have to be so good for him? He didn't want to be a better person, damn it!

She trots over to him excitedly, though he can see the way the dog flinches when he reaches for her collar. It makes him nervous, knowing she's nervous. Nervous dogs just aren't safe, unpredictable unless you knew exactly what to look out for. Thankfully she doesn't bite him in the time it takes to memorize her address, engraved on her collars tag.

Surprisingly, her home is less than half a block away, and it takes them no time at all to get there. The dog follows him eagerly most of the way, but stops at the edge of her own yard, unwilling to go any further.

The tiny house is run down and ugly, grass unkempt and white fence yellowed with age and lack of attention. There are bottles littering the yard, half buried and forgotten. The concrete path to the house is cracked, littered in a few places with shining brown and green bits of what is likely broken glass.

"Come on," he urges her, though he's immensely uncomfortable, holding out his hand to her again The dog whines, low and troubled, but finally comes forward at his insistence. He steps carefully up the glass strewn path and knocks on the door, putting on a charming smile to mask his unease. Currently, the dog is practically trying to become one with him, cowering at his side like they're facing down a great danger. She lets out a small yelp when a man's voice booms from inside,"I'm comin, I'm comin!"

Aah, Izaya is lucky he's a bad man. Otherwise, he might not be able to dismiss all these red flags.

The door swings open, revealing a fat, bald, sweaty man in his a stained wife beater and boxer shorts. Geeze, cliche much?

"Well, well," he leers, looking Izaya up and down slowly. "What can I do for you, sweetheart?" He leans heavily against the doorframe, creaking in protest, and begins to lick his lips obscenely, no finesse or subtlety to be found. Frankly, with the day he's had, Izaya is in no mood to put up with more of this bullshit.

"I've already been licked by one filthy mutt today, I don't need it again from another one," he answers back, keeping his smile- and his lunch, somehow. "That being said, I've found your dog." He gestures at her warily, noticing for the first time that the man's hands are bandaged.

"Slutty!" He exclaims angrily, and it takes Izaya a moment to realize he's referring to the dog. "Slutty, you damned dog, where the 'ell have you been!?" He grabs the poor dog by her collar, dragging her past the threshold ang ignoring her yelps and furious attempts to bite him. She's a different dog,now, desperate and terrified and nothing like the happy pup he'd met earlier.

"You named your dog...slutty?" Izaya has to ask, hoping he's heard wrong.

He knows he hasn't when the man's eyes light up.

"Yup!" He puffs his chest out proudly, kicking the dog inside and using his fat body to keep her from getting back out. Izaya catches her eyes from behind him, big and brown and pleading for help.

"May I ask why?" He prompts, tearing his eyes away from the dog. (he refuses to call her such a vulgar name.) Baldy leans in with a smirk nastier than Izaya's, lustful and dark with unnamed sin, and Izaya has the strangest urge to cold-cock him with a bible.

"They say canine pussy is the best, period. A man ain't never gonna find a better fuck, not even from an ass as sweet as yours." Again he oggles Izaya. "...but I'd be more than willing to test out how true that really is."

"...you have sex with your dog," Izaya deadpans, and feels himself paling. He feels sick all over again,as if he'd eaten a million deep fried, sugary pretzels, and washed it down with a cup of grease.

He sags almost violently with relief when the fat bastard shakes his head.

"Not yet. Been tryin', but the bitch just won't submit," He growls, glancing back at her cowering inside. "Been tryin' everything, too! Treats, belts, sleeping pills- nothing. Won't let me even touch her." he huffs angrily. But I'm smart. See," he taps his head, winking, "stopped givin' her food a awhile back. I figure once she gets weak enough, she can't fight back so much."

"You're sick," Izaya blurts,his skin crawling and stomach churning, absolutely queasy. This is one human he might not be able to love…

"Trust me, it's the best! My friend does it all the time with his, says there's nothing better." He reaches out, clamping a big, fat, sweaty hand on Izaya's shoulder. He in too much shock to pull away. "You know, if the two of us held 'er down…" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Izaya has never punched anybody so hard in his life.

The man falls heavily to the ground, narrowly avoiding crushing the dog. He's out cold, and sure to have on hell of a shiner in the morning.

"Serves him right," Izaya hisses, shaking out his throbbing hand a bit. "Disgusting pervert…"he sighs, looking up to see the dog staring at him. She trots slowly back to his side, her tail down and ears flat, looking up at him. She's waiting for something, surely.

 _Oh, god…_

"I've gone insane," he huffs, turning away and walking back down the concrete path, away from the dingy little house. "I'm mental, like Shizu-chan always says. Completely gone, mad as a hatter, lost, crazy, deranged, batshit, nuts, crackers, loony, batty…" he keeps muttering under his breath, shaking his head as he walks. He finally stops at the fence, glancing back at where the dog is still standing, quiet and waiting.

"...C'mon, girl," he sighs, offering his hand. "We're going home." Somehow he doesn't flinch when she flies towards him, tail already wagging hard enough to be a wind source

Shizu-chan will be so pleased that they have a dog now.

 **Comments fuel me**


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